A letter to Jim

As my family helped my 90-year-old great uncle (brother of my just-passed Grandfather) out the door, he discovered this note in his pocket from his wife, written several years ago following a heart attack that she suffered. Although lucid then, she has dementia today and is confused and disoriented. My entire family wept as we each read the note, and I thought it such a testament to their love, that I should share it here. The note reads:

"Dresses for funeral:Pick the one you want either one will be alright with me, honey. Just remember I will always love you. Please go on with your life. Get out and enjoy golf and have fun that’s what I would want you to do. You have done so much for me in my lifetime and you have been a wonderful husband, loving and caring for me all these years. What else can I ask. May God bless you in the best ways because you deserve it. I love you dearly. Don’t forget I want a closed casket. I know you will do what’s right, I don’t have to worry about that. If you go before I do I will be there by your side and take care of you. I will put flowers on your grave and will not forget you. You were the love of my life. Couldn’t anybody have a better husband then I had. You were wonderful. I will see you in heaven and we will meet again. I love you so much.

Love,

Your wife, Lou"

May you find a love like theirs in your lifetime.

Amen.

Need to laugh...well, here you go.

Saying Goodbye

Today my grandfather passed away. It is a sad day for my family, my mother, in particular. She has spent the last years of life anguishing over his care. When he had to go to assisted living, she was torn between taking his independence and keeping him safe from himself (he had burned up several coffee pots and various pots on the stove). She has painstakingly considered every move for him as if it were her own. At one point, after a stay in the hospital, my mother took him into her own home to care for him. She and my father altered their entire life to care for him and make sure that he had everything that he needed. There came a point, though, where she was no longer meet his needs at home, and again, she had to decide what care would be best for him, all the while, him protesting and angry about not being able to be at home. My mother has been through so much in making sure that his care has been the best that it could be. In the last few weeks of his life, he had told my mother that he was tired. He was 87 and lived a long life, fought in WWII, worked 6 days a week until well into his sixties, avoided gray hair until into his seventies, raised two children, saw the birth of four grandchildren, four great grandchildren (and the acquisition of five others through marriage). He was cleaning the gutters on his house and working in his yard until just a few years ago. Sadly, his quality of life deteriorated quickly in the last couple of years. Fortunately, through all of this, he had the love of his family and my mother, especially. I hope that when I am faced with the decisions that my mother has faced, I can treat her and my father with the grace and respect that they deserve, as she has her dad. Though I am saddened by the passing of my grandfather, I am relieved for him and know that he is no longer suffering. I know that my mother is sad, but I know she will rest, too, knowing that she did everything in her power to make his life the best that it could be. I feel fortunate to have such a strong example of strength and love in my life.

Homework is killing me...in 1st grade. Really?

The first day of first grade my son came bounding off the bus very excited about his new school and said that his teacher was "great." My heart was warmed to know that he had made an easy transition to his new school (he's a pretty laid back kid) and that he had such a good day. When I pulled out the contents of his backpack I found his homework. Yes, homework, the first day of school. The assignment was to write his eight spelling words three times each AND write five sentences using his words. I also found directions that his next night's assignment would be to five sentences using his vocabulary words. On the next night he would have some math assignment and on Thursday he would be responsible for studying for his spelling test. My son is a bright child and I am not a parent who believes in forcing learning onto your children. That being said, the first night's homework took over an hour. I am personally opposed to this kind of homework, but felt it important not to undermine his teacher. So I complicity waited and waited and waited for the session to end. I should say that the words were all three-letter words, some less, like mat, at, a. My son reads between a second and third grade level and knows how perfectly well to spell his list, but there was no modification for words that the child already knew.

This week's homework was more of the same and after way too long, he took a nap, ate dinner and completed his work. Why is it that I feel like a child abuser? I went to read to his class Friday and took the opportunity to speak to his teacher about the fact his homework was taking a very long time and she said I was free to modify his assignment as necessary. I told her that I appreciated that, but that I didn't want to send the message that he didn't have to do his assigned work. I agreed to give it a couple of weeks to see if it wasn't less of a chore. Here I wait.

I have a friend whose son was so anxious about school that he was unable to ride the school bus. While my son is very easy-going and transitions well, I couldn't help but think of my friend and her son trying to complete all of this homework after such an emotionally exhausting day. I cannot imagine he is the only one. This sparked a discussion and we have, since, talked to other parents who are flabbergasted at the amount of work being assigned to first graders and the emptiness of them.
So, I pulled out my book by Alfie Kohn called The Homework Myth. I had read this book almost in its entirety a couple of years ago, but thought I should revisit/finish it. So I read it again today. I should say that, as a teacher, I have never been a proponent of homework but assigned similar activities for my third and second grade classes because, well, it was expected. After reading the book again today, I am thinking of a diplomatic way to bring this to the attention of my school system, whose website states the following,

"The Lynchburg City School System believes that homework plays a vital role in the
educational process of all students. The positive effects of homework are numerous,
including increasing retention and understanding; developing effective study and time
management skills, along with a sense of independence and responsibility; and
fostering the concept that learning can occur anywhere, not just in school. Homework
also provides an avenue for parental involvement by affording parents an opportunity to
see what their children are learning and to encourage their children in their studies."

It goes on to state the time constraints that should be in play with K-2 being no more than 30 minutes a night. Now, I ask you, how many 6 year-olds do think can write 24 words and create five sentences in 30 minutes? Aside from the homework being excessive, it provides no learning value for my son and certainly isn't helping our family time.
What should be noted on the website entry is that Lynchburg City Schools "believes" homework is important for all of these reasons, however, there is not research to support any of these claims. Additionally, homework assigned to elementary school students has repeated shown a negative affect on attitudes. If you do not have the book, I encourage you to purchase it, read it, and take a stand on homework in your school division, where ever that may be. Here are a few highlights but I assure you the book is rich with citations and research that go much deeper than these.

1. There is no evidence of an academic benefit from homework in elementary school.
2. There is no consistent linear or curvilinear relationship between the amount of time spent on a child's homework and academic achievement.
3. There is no evidence that homework teaches children to budget their time or makes them more responsible.
4. Homework negatively affects students' attitudes toward learning.
5. Research shows that homework does not improve self-discipline (largely because it is not self-regulated or voluntary).
6. Homework is detrimental to the psychological well-being of children.
7. In order for parents to see what their child is learning in school, couldn't they just bring home their classwork and explain it to their parents. Do we need to compel homework to get parental involvement? Wouldn't a phone call or email work better?
8. Preparing first graders for fifth grade homework because they need to get used to it, shows complete disregard for developmental growth and learning.
9. Homework keeps children from learning in their time at home in a natural and exploratory way.

Did I mention that there is no research to support the statement that homework aids in, "retention and understanding; developing effective study and time management skills, along with a sense of independence and responsibility...?" I will keep you posted on the steps I take next. As a former teacher, I certainly don't want to be one of "those" parents. However, I do believe that the homework being assigned is excessive and ultimately not enhancing my son's learning or his after-school experience. Further across the school division I think parents and teachers would benefit from having this conversation. My son is curious and wants to know about everything. I would hate for homework to kill that.

Scary. "Palin=Guns, Babies, Jesus"

Wow. Just read this article, kindly printed for me by my republican husband, to help me understand why John McCain chose Palin as his running mate. All I can say is, as an undecided voter, I can pretty much say my decision has been made and in won't be in support of John McCain. I found this article disturbing on so many levels. I must be completely out of touch, but, um, I don't think that Roe v. Wade is up for negotiation, and carrying a down-syndrome baby to term does not make one a saint. If you are 40 something and have chosen to have a baby then you are well aware of the risks that go with that. Knowing that, abortion would be reprehensible. But what is at the heart of this argument has nothing to do with people bringing into the world a baby with special needs. It has to do with the government making those decisions for you. And that is not up for debate. Additionally, it goes on to talk about how she has a bear-skin in her office and is an avid hunter. Well, last I checked, the 2nd amendment was not up for debate either (pardon my oversimplification of gun issues, but this is just a blog). Further, according to the article she is a Pentecostal, which is an extreme fundamentalist Christian group--not a bonus as far as I am concerned. What is an issue in this election is the failing state of our economy, the current state of our education system, and our international state as a nation at war. The article did not mention any of Palin's attributes that may be useful on any of these fronts, and her position as Vice President is an important one considering McCain's age/health. I understand that McCain is vying for conservative money and has already raised $7 million in contributions since her announcement, but he will lose his moderates/liberals in the process. Well, if McCain really wanted to alienate the level-headed people of this nation is exchange for gun-toting, antiabortionists who cannot see what is really at stake in our country, or the "conservative base" as my husband would call them, well done. Barack Obama, you have my vote. And, if John McCain thinks that women will vote for him because he has a woman on his ticket, shame on you. Women are smart enough to realize that just being a woman doesn't make you "sisters", unless, of course, you are Pentecostal.